i cant change, i dont know how or what into, but im not right. i mean, im a christian right, but im not a christian. thats how i see it. i just cant, im not who im cut out to be, i change with everyone i meet, im not me with anyone, but my, i cant change, not now, not when i am who i am because of the masks i wear, i hide who i really am, i cant change, im actually not an out-there person, i would rather stay at home and think than experience, am not talkitive, or funny or anything, those are what i hope to be, im always trying to be them, and sometimes i try to hard, other times i might get it just right, but il never understand it, i cant change, not when im someone im not, not when im happy to be someone else, i just cant, you see i believe childhood and friends shape you, and from that shape you all shape each other to smoothen the edges over, but im a different shape everywhere i go, but this cant be true, i still think the same, i am still me , well, maybe, who knows anymore, i cant just carry on living i lie that isnt mine, i cant, im not saying that anyone is expecting me to change, but i NEED to, i dont like me, i liked me in primary, i was me, but ive lost it, unfortunately there isnt a rewind button, i wouldnt have spent 4 years comparing myself to my better friend and even if i tried my hardest, i would always be second best. or i wouldntve had the friends i have now, im not being a dick on purpose but if i could choose, i wouldntve picked what i have. but i suppose thats what its all about, mistakes, i mean meeting my friends and becoming close to eleena is the best thing thats happened t me but it isnt the best thing for me, i love eleena and i can only hope that she loves me back <3 but i guess in the end, i made the right decision. i mean, now im happy and have a girlfriend who may not know it, yet, but is the only girl that has ever shown something of the caliber that i would say, she understands me, the REAL me, no more hiding and changing between friends, because i found a shape that fits me and i dont want to change anymore, hehe have fun understanding me eleena :D <3 x you make me…. ME!!!! :P

One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up.
As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean.
He came closer still and called out “Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?”
The young man paused, looked up, and replied “Throwing starfish into the ocean.”
“I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?” asked the somewhat startled wise man.
To this, the young man replied, “The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don’t throw them in, they’ll die.”
Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, “But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can’t possibly make a difference!”
At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said, “I made a difference to that one!”. i like this story. i sometimes feel like a starfish. <3

i don’t know what to write, but i think its gonna be pretty informative. im not sure though, i could say that i had a good day, not only because i passed more tests from my mock exams, but that was cool, but i think its because imma see eleena tomorrow >.< . i love seeing her. my day becomes soo much happier and i just want to stay with her and give her a big cuddle all night long, but i noes i can’t. i can’t stop going to school or work, you know, sometimes i think that days should be longer and school should be as long hehe but thats what i think, i also think school should start at maybe 10 o’clock, that would suit me better :P. but i then realise, that school is not out there to go and have it your way, no. its out there to prepare you for a career and a working environment. so as much as i would like school to start at 10, i would hate it just as much, maybe i would love it for a little while, but i would get enough learnies in my brain >.< . but i cant wait for the holidays. its seems silly to think that now, just as we go into a new term but i cant wait to be spending alot of time with you know who >.<. she makes me soo happy all the time, i just cant remember being as happy and enthused to see someone >.< . i think its amazing thinking about the present time and how much i think about her, >.< she takes all of my thinkies up all day but not in a bad way. i just cant stop it >.< and it reminds me how much i miss her when im not there, right beside her. shes just soo amazing >.<  x x x <333, jus saying